What better way to tell the world about how fucked up you are than to answer a series of non-sensical, egotistical questions! I’ve spent hours in complete self absorption answering various questionairres on facebook and maveling at my own neurosis!
25 things about me….who cares anyway!
2. I still haven’t gotton over not making cheerleading
3. I don’t like spending money…I’m…how you say…CHEAP… so don’t invite me to candle parties etc…
4. I have OCD…if I see a whitehead or a blackhead on someone I MUST squeeze it or I get tremendous anxiety
5. I’ve seriously lost count of the number of guys I’ve slept with
6. I married a guy from Norway so he could get a green card
7. I have an eating disorder and it sucks
8. I’ve brought many a therapist to his/her knees
9. I drive a VW bug convertable
10. I can’t spell for shit
11. I’m insanely jealous of hot girls in HS
12. I have a mean streak
13. I miss dancing but don’t have the confidence to go back
14. I take figure skating lessons and sometimes wear one of those little skirts
15. I used to go to swing clubs with Von Douche Bag
16. My son once told me “mom, you made the right boy”…he was right
17. I feel bad that I’m mean to my mother but sometimes she is SO fucking annoying!
18. I’m amused by my sense of humor
19. I look absolutely awful naked!
20. I love reminiscing
21. I once found a gray pube…I ripped the fucker out!
22. I’m not easily embarassed
23. I think me and Artie Lang would become fast friends
24. I am never completely happy
25. When my friends were all hot for Scott Baio and Andy Gibb I had a crush on Bill Murray.
Firsts….or what I remember them to be….
1. Who was your FIRST prom date. Junior High School I was a fat loser so I had no prom date- My HS prom date was the one and only Conie!
2. Do you still talk to your FIRST love? I do now- thanks to facebook
4. What was your FIRST job? Burger King- I wore a rust colored cordouroy uniform that smelled like someone else’s armpits!
5. What was your FIRST car? Red 1978 Chevy Monza….no not Mazda…MONZA!
6. Who was the FIRST person to text you today? I don’t think I got any today so far
7. Who is the FIRST person you thought of this morning? Danny- I despise him with every fiber of my being
8. Who was your FIRST grade teacher? Fox and Erhartic…they hated me
9. Where did you go on your FIRST ride on an airplane? Probably Florida. All jews go to florida
10. Who was your FIRST best friend & do you still talk Kathleen and YES! But not nearly enough because I suck.
11. Where was your FIRST sleep over? My house I’m sure- I had 2 beds in my room which eventually got pushed together so I can have sex without falling off the bed!
12. Who was the first person you talked to today? Ed of course- then my mother to rant about Danny
13. Whose wedding were you in the FIRST time? Kathleen- she got married at, like, 12!
14. What was the FIRST thing you did this morning? hit the snooze- I have to- it’s a ritual I can’t let go of
15. What was the FIRST concert you ever went to? Billy Joel Glass Houses tour 1980 with Marci and my father- I still have the shirt.
16. FIRST tattoo? butterfly with a chinese symbol 21 years ago
17. FIRST piercing? ears when I was 5- then belly button (which only drew attention to my flab so I removed) and my nose during the early part of my mid life crisis.
18. FIRST foreign country you went to? Norway- and last
19. FIRST movie you remember seeing? Im sure there were others but I’m thinking Rocky Horror about 70 times with Lisa. Or maybe Grease…I think it was Grease.
20. When was your FIRST detention? Never- I never did anything wrong- reallly
22. Who was your FIRST roommate? A senior/slut named Kathy at Hofstra- I used to wake up to the man du jour. Later in the semester my annorixic suite mate slept with a guy I was dating. Thank god for Debi!
23. If you had one wish, what would it be? to be happy- this may seem cliche but I’m generally miserable
24. What is something you would learn if you had the chance? Gymnastics…I’ts the ONE thing I can not seem to learn
25. Did you marry the FIRST person to ask for your hand in marriage? yes- I marry everyone who asks
26. What was the first sport that you were involved in? None- I suck at sports- I guess Skating at 35
27. What were the first lessons you ever took? Dance in “Satan’s Den”
28. What is the first thing you do when you get home? I never know what to do first so I usually eat AND look through the mail while I’m peeing
29. Who do you think will be the first person to post this? Marci…Laura….Joelle hopefully!
30. When was your first kiss ‘that you would count’? Well Dennis O’Connor (hallaaaa) was the first to slip me the tongue in Karen Chementi’s basement and then there were ENDLESS games of seven in heaven and spin the bottle…who the fuck remembers! If you are the one and you are on my facebook please enlighten me.
31. In what grade did you feel really confident? Senor I guess-
32. When did you receive your first “F” in school? Social Studies- either 9th or 10th grade I failed the regents. I still know absolutely NOTHING about social studies.
More self absorption- I LOVE FACEBOOK!
Answer these 35 Things You Wouldn’t Think To Ask. Then tag me so I can come and have a look.After that, tag 25 friends who you’d like to answer these questions.
1. Have you ever been searched by the cops? My husband…CAVITY SEARCH!
2. Do you close your eyes on roller coaster? I don’t go on roller coasters- not since Nunley’s
3. When’s the last time you’ve been sledding? I’m not sure I’ve ever been sledding- dragging it up the hill sucks balls.
4. Would you rather sleep with someone else, or alone? Totally someone else.
5. Do you believe in ghosts? I do! I wish I could see them!
7. Do you think O.J. killed his wife? Duh!
8. Jennifer Aniston or Angelina Jolie? Jennifer- I love her!
9. Can you honestly say you know ANYTHING about politics? Zero
10. Do you know how to play poker? Nope- God I am SO boring!
11. Have you ever been awake for 48 hours straight? I’m barely awake 48 minutes straight. I’m the sort that requires a lot of sleep.
12. What’s your favorite commercial? Hard to say- I think the IAMS one where you see the kid and big oafing dog age and at the end he is a grey faced Irish Setter schlepping up the stairs.
13. Who was your first love? He knows who he is.
14. If you’re driving in the middle of the night, & no one is around, do you run a red light? After looking both ways.
15. Do you have a secret that no one knows but you? Probably not- sadly I’m an open book with boundary issues.
16. Boston Red Sox or New York Yankees? Who?.
17. Have you ever been Ice Skating? Ummm…do you even KNOW me! I AM Ice skating!
18. How often do you remember your dreams? A few times a week. Sometimes I wake up and I’m weirded out all day.
19. What’s the one thing on your mind? Why I’m generally miserable.
20. Do you always wear your seat belt? Always!
21. What talent do you wish you had? Ice Skating
22. Do you like Sushi? only if its fish-less
23. What do you wear to bed? Lately my mother’s pajamas…mine are all in storage. That or the clothes I wore that day complete with a coat.
24. Do you truly hate anyone? I truly do.
25. If you could sleep with one famous person, who would it be? After I saw The Notebook it was Brian Gostling…but I think generally it’s Arty Lange
26. Do you know anyone in jail? I will in a few weeks!
27. What food do you find disgusting? Pigeon
28. Have you ever made fun of your friends behind their back? Constantly
29. Have you ever been punched in the face? No – it only looks that way.
30. Do you believe in angels and demons? I know a few deamons personally. I think I believe in angels’
31. How old were you when you think you actually became a grown-up? 23
32. If you could live anywhere in the world, where would it be? Colorado…or here. I love Long Beach
33. Have you ever been in the hospital? Besides having my son, every weekend for 26 hours.
34. Are you happy with your life today? I should be but happiness isn’t really in the cards for me.
35. Have you ever had a stalker? I wish!
Finish the sentence….
1. My ex…Sucks balls
2. Maybe I should…NOT work 7 days a week and spend time with the fam
3. I love…Facebook
4. People would say that I’m…funny but totally have issues
5. I don’t understand why…I’m obsessed with my crows feet but fuck up my skin by obsessively picking…it’s really nonsensicle.
6. When I wake up in the morning…I’m like “FUCK!!! AGAIN???”
7. I lost…my bluetooth like 4 months ago- i know I’ll sport the $100. for a new one and then find it.
8. Life is full of…obstacles (and words I can’t spell…like obsticals)
9. My past…seems like yesterday and I miss it so much that I’m not enjoying the present half the time
10. I get annoyed by…Most things…but you would never know it
11. Parties are…god awful…I hate them- ask Rich Nap who was at a party at my house as I slept in my room the entire night.
12. I wish life was not… over so quickly and so unpredictable. The unpredictability of it all scares the shit out me.
13. Dogs…Are better than humans in most cases
14. Cats…are misunderstood- you don’t love them until you’ve owned one (RIP my Timmy)
15. Tomorrow…is doody central. Time to wipe the asses…
16. I have a low tolerance…for most things…usually my mother and her lack of bounderies
17. If I had a million dollars…I’d pay off this never ending rennovation and then get botox
18. I’m totally terrified of…dying…me dying…how I will handle someone I love dying, tragic dying…you get the point
19. My spouse…is absoulutely hillarious- and puts up with a lot of shit from his horrific OTHER FAMILY
20. My life…is basically pretty good but I’m to miserable half the time to appreciate it
48 ODD things about me…more self absorption- YAY!
2. Have you ever been drunk? Once…and once I pretended to be and actually really felt drunk (remember Marci?)
3. Do you own a gun? No but my husband does- I told him I never want to see it and never want to know where he hides it. Guns scare the shit out of me.
4. What flavor of Kool Aid was your favorite? I loved Peach Hi-C…but that’s not Kool Aid
5. Do you get nervous before doctor appointments? Only if I’m getting a shot or a throat culture. I’ve been doing my own throat culture since I’m 8.
6. What do you think of hot dogs? Love them! Mustard, relish, toasted bun!
7. Favorite Christmas movie? I agree with Jessica…Charlie Brown
8. What do you prefer to drink in the morning? Water or seltzer- My mother’s apartment is so hot and dry my tounge is like a parrot’s tongue (if you don’t know what a parrot’s tongue is like go check one out..it’s like a piece of wood.
9. Can you do push ups? No- I hate any form of exercise.
10. What’s your favorite piece of jewelry? My engagent ring and my family photo album charm that opens like a book- but I never wear it.
11. Favorite hobby? Tweezing
12. Do you have A.D.D.? Totally
13. What’s your favorite shoe? Crocs! Furry, Unfurry….love them! Maybe flip flops…or my new UGG boots.
14. Middle name? Lynn…like most Jewish girls
15. Name 3 thoughts at this exact moment? How am I going to catch a 6:11am to Penn tomorrow? Why am I answering a survey when I’m so tired I can’t keep my eyes open? Can I continue to work my weekend job without shooting myself with my husband’s hidden gun?
16. Name 3 drinks you regularly drink? seltzer, water, diet soda
17. Current worry? Death- anyone’s!
18. Current hate right now? Again, I’m with Jessica…don’t get me started
19. Krispy Kreme, Dunkin’, or Timmy Ho’s? Dunkin’ again with Jessica….what’s timmy ho’s?
20. How did you bring in the New Year? Reading my eyelids and sawing logs
21. Where would you like to go? On a cruise- I love waking up and looking out the window to new scenery.
22. Name three people who will complete this? Marci, Heather, Joelle
23. Do you own slippers? fuzzy flip flops
24. What color shirt are you wearing right now? a horrible lavender t- shirt borrowed from my mother’s pajama drawer.
25. Do you like satin sheets? Ugh- no!
26. Can you whistle? My brother is a compulsive whistler- I hate whistling, it hurts my cheeks
27. Favorite color? Mustard
28. Would you be a pirate? No- I hate having only one eye to see out of and the hat is stupid looking.
29. What songs do you sing in the shower? Show tunes probably- or 70s stuff
30. Favorite Girl’s Name? Isabella
31. Favorite boy’s name? Ethan
32. What’s in your pocket right now? no pockets
33. Last thing that made you laugh? My conversation with a 94 year old Jewish man with Dementia- He was SOOO adorable- I couldn’t stand the cuteness.
34. Best bed sheets as a child? they were all the same-totally boring yellow and white gingham.
35. Worst injury you’ve ever had as a child? My father got mad at me and yanked my arm out of it’s socket. He seems to be the only one who doesn’t remember this incident.
36. Do you love where you live? Absolutely LOVE!
37. Revenge of the Nerds or Fast Times at Ridgemont High? fast times!
38. Who is your loudest friend? My friend Elise from work- she works the night shift too!
39. How many dogs do you have? The goofies oaf of a golden retriever.
40. Does someone have a crush on you? Yea- a 94 year old Jewish man with dementia.
41. What is your favorite book? I remember really loving “Prince of Tides”- I’m into chick lit- I’m all about shallow
42. What is your favorite candy? Fun dip, sour patch kids, tart mike and ike’s, sweet tarts, and Snickers
43. Favorite Sports Team? Figure Skating Olympic team…no particular country- the entire team
44. What song do you want played at your funeral? I can’t remember…I had a good one too.
45. WHAT IS THE FARTHEST YOU HAVE BEEN FROM HOME? Norway…blah blah…married…green card…uncircumcised…you’ve read this story before
46. DO YOU HAVE A SPECIAL TALENT? engaging people with my wit and sarcasm
47. WHERE WERE YOU BORN? Valley Stream, NY
48. Whose are U LOOKING FORWARD TO GETTING BACK? Everyone!
2.Name something a football player wears under his uniform? Jock Strap
3.Name something people hate to find on their windshield? A dead person
4.Name something a man might buy before a date? Binaca
5.What is another word for blemish? Zit
6. Something you cook in the microwave? Popcorn
7.Name a piece of furniture people need help moving? Sectional
8.Name a reason a younger man might like an older woman? experience
9.Name something a dog does that embarrasses its owner? Sniff a crotch
10.Name a kind of test you cannot study for? Ovulation
11.Name something a boy scout gets a badge for? Widdling
12.Name a phrase with the word home in it? Home on the range
13.Name a sport where players lose teeth? hockey
14.Name something a teacher can do to ruin a student’s day? moleste
15.What is a way you can tell someone has been crying? cry face
16.Name a bird you wouldn’t want to eat? flamingo
17.Name something someone would wear with a hole in it? crotchless panties
18.Name something that gets smaller the more you use it? Jessica took “soap” so I can’t…wahh